so one of the ppl i've been working with down here has been bringing out his friends for us to meet and party with. one of the girls and i spent a lot of time talking since neither of us are big into partying. she said the above quote to me after we had watched a movie on tv and then i told her i had a girlfriend back home. i apologized because i didn't realize i had given her the idea of more happening between us, but apparently all men in el salvador expect and want more to happen. she was confused because she thought i was interested because i had spent so much time talking to her without actually hitting on her. well, long story short, i think i did hurt her somewhat because i mislead her. so instead of coming back into town after going to the beach she decided to go on a boat with some friends the next day. something happened out there, i'm not sure what, i only know the coast guard was involved. i also know that she doesn't want to talk about it with me, or anybody for that matter. i think someone hurt her, or worse, violated her. but i don't know for sure. i just have a feeling when i talked to her. something is wrong...and part of me feels responsible. i hope nothing happened to her, i hope i'm just blowing things out of proportion, but my scorpio intuition has rarely been wrong. especially when i have this empty sinking feeling inside...like i'm going hollow. when i talk to her, all i can hear in my head is..."not again, please, not again" i wasn't there for K before....now it's that same helpless feeling all over again.

i know it's been a long time since i posted. even longer since i posted a poem. i haven't written in a long time. i guess i've been so busy with life. anyways, i had the last couple of evenings to myself while i'm working here in El Salvador so i've been reading, drawing, and as of last night even writing. i saw a book title on my way down called "the best of men" and right away my mind jumped to "blackest of nights" maybe it's the batman comics i've been reading that caused that connection. i'm not sure, but last night i put something simple to paper. i think i like how it came out. give it a read and let me know if u have any thoughts about it.

dust off my armour,
take up my sword,
reveal my honour,
swear it to my lord.

my heart is pure,
my methods were flawed,
my punishment assured,
for flaunting love's law.

her smile infectious,
her eyes unsure,
her heart cautious
of any overture.

the dance itself was brief,
the emotions felt, pure,
whether the path end in grief,
the future is unsure.

i sought your happiness,
but my will was weak,
now your forgiveness,
is all that i seek.

once, i believed that i might
be among the best of men.
now i stand revealed,
blackest of knights.

hmmm....upon further reading it's scattered. but still the individual stanza's were fun to put together. guess i'm pretty rusty at this stuff.